Making Up is Hard to Do
by Dylan S. Thompson
Summary: "The past week had been confusing as hell, three times as confusing as usual, because for the first time ever Brittany wasn't certain about herself or her best friend."  Brittana are in limbo after the events of "Duets".


A/N: I'm usually not an angst person, but I was craving a little between Brittana after "Duets". So this is a little bit of angst, with no happy ending. No unhappy ending either, just some limbotastic stuff between episodes. This is what I hope the status of Brittana will be in the Rocky Horror episode, with a bit of a chill between them and Brittany finally coming into her own a bit and branching out. Nothing was resolved in "Duets", so there should be some lingering issues as we go forward. Not that I'm holding my breath, of course…I've learned to never trust television. That's why I read (and write) fanfiction!

**Making Up is Hard to Do**

By Dylan S. Thompson

It happens again after Mr. Shue finally gets around to the point and announces that they're going to be doing Rocky Horror…whatever that means.

For the third time that day Santana turned to share a smile with Brittany, or a rolling of the eyes, or she reached out to touch her, and she was reminded once again that Brittany wasn't at her side.

Santana frowned and her gaze slid over to where Brittany was sitting, in the first row with her legs drawn underneath her, in between Artie and Kurt. Brittany had been spending a lot of time around Kurt the past week. Or with Artie, although it was clear they were no longer dating. Artie and Brittany had been awkward for a day or so, but they had apparently made up and become closer than they ever were before.

Kurt, Artie…she was spending more and more time with fellow Cheerios…she even ate lunch with Jacob Ben Israel yesterday. Brittany was suddenly closer with a lot of people, except Santana. Between Santana and Brittany there was now…not anger, but distance. Brittany was still polite, even cheerful and friendly, toward Santana…when they were together…but she no longer let Santana peek into her mind. There were no updates in the ongoing war with her cat, no fun facts about how things really were, and no descriptions of Brittany's supposed adventures. Brittany now treated Santana as if she were just a normal person.

Santana was feeling left behind. Brittany seemed different somehow, more aware of the world and herself. Santana knew she shouldn't be feeling jealous, that she should be happy that her best friend was growing, but it just seemed like…like Brittany was shopping for a new best friend. What terrible thing had she done to Brittany to make her want to cast her aside so quickly? Was she still upset about the Duet competition? Did Brittany find out about what she told Artie? Was it…

No. Santana shook her head and crossed her arms, tearing her eyes away from Brittany's smiling face. She didn't want to sing Melissa Etheridge, so what? And she totally knew that Artie and Brittany were totally wrong for each other, so what? She didn't do anything wrong. If Brittany were going to get her panties in a bunch and be a bitch about nothing, fine. Santana was the second most popular girl in school…she wasn't exactly hurting for friends. If that's how Brittany wanted to play it, fine.

-2-

Brittany threw herself dramatically onto Kurt's sofa as he flipped through his DVD collection looking for "The Rocky Horror Picture Show". Brittany had never seen the movie, and, after admitting that fact to him, Kurt had proclaimed that a crime that must be remedied. But Brittany really wasn't in the mood to watch a movie, or do much of anything besides nap. It was exhausting to not look at Santana, especially when she knew that Santana was looking at her. Every second Brittany had to fight the urge to fall back into her routine and be the person that follows around Santana Lopez without asking questions like a dumb puppy.

Since they had met Brittany had been that person. She had let Santana tell her what to do and how to act and what to think. She had never minded, had in fact loved her for it. But it was time for Brittany to start doing her own thinking and acting. The past week had been confusing as hell, three times as confusing as usual, because for the first time ever Brittany wasn't certain about herself or her best friend. Without a single change, it seemed now that she and Santana were very different. There were things Brittany wanted and wanted to know…and if Santana couldn't come along with her, fine.

Her mind drifted back to the week before, when she had apologized to Artie. She had given it a lot of thought, and had finally decided exactly what she had done wrong and what she needed to say in her apology. She just forgot that Artie didn't know the whole story.

"I'm sorry for what I did, Artie. I made you feel like Santana made me feel."

Artie gave her one of his "the hell?" looks, and said, "Thank you, but…what?"

Realizing her mistake, she blushed. But only for a moment. Then she realized that it wasn't really a mistake. Just because Santana didn't like people knowing about their relationship didn't mean that Brittany had to follow her orders. Besides, Artie already knew they slept together. Half the Glee club did, and none of them treated Brittany and Santana different.

Brittany bit her lip for a moment, before saying hesitantly, "I should say I'm sorry again before telling you this, but…I didn't even really care about winning the competition. I just wanted Santana to lose, and be jealous, because we were fighting."

Artie looked pained for a moment, and broke eye contact with Brittany. But he took a deep breath and reminded himself that he had moved past what happened, and that he wasn't entirely blameless. Returning his gaze to Brittany's he said, "Tell me what happened with Santana."

"Found it!" exclaimed Kurt, holding up a DVD with a large pair of lips on the cover. He set the box on top of the DVD player and said, "I'm going to fix us drinks and appetizers, and then we'll watch. Be right back!"

"Mmmm," murmured Brittany in return. Kurt was out of the room in a flash, leaving Brittany with her memories. She lifted her head from the sofa cushion and gazed at the blank television screen. She really liked Kurt's house, especially his basement. It was surprising to her how often she had been in it, even before she had taken Artie's advice and started hanging out with him. She had helped him with his Single Ladies' dance that one time, and then she had made out with him here when he was trying to act straight.

She smiled, remembering his tentative question about the feeling of boys' lips. He had been so confused about himself at that time. When she came over to his house for the third time ever, earlier in the week, she had been in a similar situation.

"Kurt…" she began slowly, "how did you know you were gay?"

Kurt shrugged daintily, saying, "I guess I've kind of always known. It's just always been who I am. My dad says that when I was three I asked for a pair of sensible heels."

Kurt laughed softly, but Brittany only continued frowning. "Oh," she said dejectedly, her shoulders slumping.

"Why do you ask?" Kurt queried, sitting next to Brittany and gently nudging her with his shoulder.

Brittany shrugged, and mumbled, "I don't know."

Then Kurt heard a soft sniffle, and Brittany reached up to brush away some tears that had fallen from her eyes. Shocked, Kurt wrapped an arm around her shoulder and drew her closer to him. "Brittany," he whispered to her gently, "seriously, what's wrong? You can tell me. I won't tell anybody else, I promise."

But all Brittany could do was cry.

"And now, get ready for our feature presentation!" Kurt declared, appearing at the top of the stairs bearing a platter filled with two Diet Cokes and a bunch of cucumber sandwiches. He carefully descended the stairs and deposited the platter on the coffee table in front of the couch. He then made his way to the DVD player and inserted the movie. "Sit up," he said as he returned to the couch. He swatted Brittany's legs until, grumbling, she sat upright. Kurt smirked at her, and pressed play. "Get ready to fall in love."

-3-

"I think I'm in love with my best friend," she admitted after thirty minutes of quiet sobbing. She wiped her nose, her eyes, and her cheeks. She extracted herself from Kurt's arms and turned away from him.

"Santana?" Kurt wasn't shocked, exactly. He knew that they hooked-up sometimes, based on what Brittany had said just before Sectionals. But he never would have figured either of them was really capable of deeper feelings. For anyone, let alone each other.

Brittany nodded, still unable to look him in the eyes. She took a deep breath and whispered, "I think I might be gay."

Kurt felt like all the air had been knocked out of him. He knew this was an immense moment for Brittany, but he couldn't help but think of what this meant for him. The Serendipity! Just as he was feeling alone and isolated by being the only openly homosexual in town, Brittany realizes that she might be gay! It wasn't the relationship he was looking for, but the idea of having another gay teen to stand with him was almost too good to be true.

After overcoming his initial reaction, Kurt focused on Brittany. "That's…a big realization, Brittany. Why do you think you might be gay?"

Brittany chanced a quick glance at Kurt, before restating, "I'm in love with my best friend."

"Is that all? I mean, no offense, but I love Mercedes and that doesn't make me straight."

Now she turned fully back to face Kurt. "I don't love Santana. I mean, yeah, I do, but it's more. I'm _in love _with her. We have sex all the time, and that's not a big deal, but when I'm doing it with her I feel…different than with anyone else. And I want to be able to do all the mushy things that people get to do when they're not just having sex. I want to be able to tell other people that we're together, and how I feel about her."

"And…what does Santana think?"

Speaking about her love, a small smile had begun to creep onto Brittany's face. At this question, the smile disappeared. She was a blank slate for a split-second, but then her face crumpled and tears began flowing again. She turned away again from Kurt and said, "Santana doesn't want me. I'm just a distraction for when Puck isn't available."

Kurt winced. That was an extremely specific answer. "You know this for certain?"

Kurt watched the back of Brittany's head answer in the affirmative. "Yeah," she said raggedly.

There was silence. Kurt opened and then shut his mouth several times, not sure how to proceed. Brittany periodically reached up to wipe her eyes. Finally, Kurt just reached out and laid his hand on her shoulder. At Kurt's touch, Brittany turned back to him again. She had stopped crying, and was sitting up straighter. "Santana's not in love with me, but I'm not just in love with Santana. I've been feeling alone for a long time, and I want to be in an actual relationship. If Santana won't go there with me, I'll do it with someone else."

"And you definitely want it to be with another girl?"

Brittany nodded, and smiled a true smile for the first time since arriving. "Yeah. I need to at least find out for certain. That's why I need you! I need you to make me look like a lesbian."

"Um…"

"Do I have to, like, cut my hair? And start wearing flannel? I really like my hair, but I already like Melissa Etheridge, so…"

"Brittany!" exclaimed Kurt, chuckling. "You don't have to "look" like a lesbian. There's no look. You just are a lesbian, and you look however you want to look."

"Oh…" said Brittany, with a small frown. She looked a little disappointed.

-4-

"You would look fantastic in that corset," Brittany proclaimed after Tim Curry was revealed in all his glory on the flat screen.

"I do look good in that corset," Kurt corrected. "I'll show you later."

Brittany giggled, and returned to watching the movie. Kurt was right; she really was falling in love with the movie. The love grew and grew with each scene, until she reached the song "Touch-A, Touch-A, Touch-A, Touch Me!" and saw Magenta and Columbia together. It reminded her so much of sleepovers with Santana that it caused an ache deep within her. Even in her enjoyment, a few tears welled up in her eyes.

"I miss Santana," she admitted suddenly. "So, so much. We've been friends since we were in elementary school. I don't know what to do without her. It's so hard not to let things return to normal."

Kurt leaned his head on Brittany's shoulder and murmured, "You're changing what's normal, Brittany. Just keep reminding yourself that. It's hard now, but eventually you'll be amazed you ever lived any other way. I barely remember what things were like before I joined Glee. I can't imagine going back to not accepting who I am, not telling the truth to everyone; even with the loneliness and those asshole jocks, I would never give this up. Maybe Santana will come around, maybe you'll find someone else who makes you happier than you could ever imagine, but you can't stop trying to discover who you are just because Santana isn't comfortable with it."

"I know," Brittany admitted after a moment of silence. Kurt nodded against her shoulder, and returned his attention to the fabulous Tim Curry.

"You'll find someone too," Brittany said after a few minutes. "I bet there's a guy for you, even in Lima."

"Yeah, Brit, I'll bet there is," Kurt said, not entirely believing it, but smiling nonetheless. "We're both going to live happily ever after, just you wait."

The End


End file.
